“Look; I am not a fucking retard like Michael Bay!”Uwe Boll
As adept a judge of character as the above quote would suggest him to be, Uwe Boll’s body of work is at least as bad as anything I’ve seen from Michael Bay. My article today concerns Boll’s attempt at a high fantasy epic. Like most of his work, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale is based on a video-game. I read a bit about the story of the game, and the movie seems to have nothing to do with it. Most reviews of In the Name of the King dub it one of the worst fantasy stories of all time, but I recently reviewed The Dragon in the Sock Drawer, which was so stupid and utterly mental that In the Name of the King seems all the more bland.
Continue reading “In the Name of the King” Review
“What’s wrong with the characters in A Song of Ice and Fire,” you ask? Well, let’s just take a look. As for what’s wrong, where do I begin? Why don’t I start with the fact that they’re all basically the same character? You can’t really expect any better when an author divides his attention among a thousand of them, which is why you need to limit the number of pivotal characters in a story. Every character in the story has, at most, a few personality traits to differentiate it from the cookie-cutter template that Martin applies to the lot of them.
I plan on suffering through several more of these character analyses, but I’ll start with the ever-tedious Jon Snow. No, I’m not talking about Dr. John Snow, the Victorian physician who discovered that drinking polluted water was a bad thing—oh, I only wish! Jon Snow is, amazingly, one of the least irritating of Martin’s characters. I shudder to think of analyzing any of the others, but that’s Future Hamish’s problem!
Continue reading Jon Snow: The Boring Bastard
I recently decided that, just for the fun of seeing what would happen, I’d randomly decide on an anime I’d never heard of and watch it from start to finish. Unfortunately, it didn’t turn out as well as I had hoped. I mean, I do have quite a lot to say about it, but the show itself wasn’t especially good.
Continue reading “The Twelve Kingdoms” Anime Review
I read The Dragon in the Sock Drawer by Kate Klimo quite a few years ago, and since then I’ve wanted to tear it apart in a review. I’ve wondered if this was too easy a target, the author being relatively unknown and the story meant strictly for very young children. I couldn’t find anything about the books on Wikipedia, and looking up the author’s alleged website simply redirects to the series’ page on the Random House site. In fact, I would likely have passed it by and reviewed something else were it not for what I learnt from reading it.
Continue reading “The Dragon in the Sock Drawer” Book Review
In the first article I ever wrote for this site, I reviewed a 1966 cartoon loosely derived from The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien. Now, this cartoon was actually calculated to be as faithless an adaptation as possible for use as a tool of blackmail, and this eventually led to the existence of a second attempt to adapt The Hobbit to the screen eleven years later, this time by Rankin/Bass, a studio famous for its holiday specials. Many of their other works are really good, but they’re really out of their league here. This, along with two later cartoons, are often considered to make up a sort of half-formed trilogy, and I’ll eventually get around to reviewing the other two.
Continue reading Review of Rankin/Bass’ The Hobbit (1977)
I’ve been working harder on my review of the Rankin/Bass Hobbit cartoon than I have on any other article on the site so far. I’d just like to announce that the review will be ready within the next few days. The wait is almost over!
Happy October to everyone who isn’t reviewing a bloody awful ’70s cartoon! If you’ve been following me on Twitter, you might have heard that I didn’t get much sleep last night. This is because the review I’m working on has been the most intense and time-consuming review I’ve written. To make things worse, a street-lamp turned on outside my window just as I was ready to go to sleep. I’ve been working almost non-stop on getting the review done as soon as possible so you can read my thoughts on that cartoon. Luckily, I’ve gotten some better blinds for my window, and I expect I’ll have the article ready sometime in the next week.
In the meantime, please enjoy the highlights of my live-tweeting event…
Continue reading Progress on The Hobbit 1977 Review