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Bella Swan discovers Edward Cullen is a vampire.

“Fifty Shades of Grey” Book Review

The cover of Fifty Shades of Grey by Snowqueens IcedragonI used to think A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin was the worst book I’d ever have the displeasure of reading.  That was before I was introduced to Fifty Shades of Grey by Snowqueens Icedragon (yes, that’s really her pseudonym).  This fan-fiction based on Stephanie Meyer’s laughable The Twilight Saga makes Meyer look like a modern day Tolkien, and even writers like George R. R. Martin and Tara “XXXbloodyrists666XXX” Gilesbie seem competent by comparison.  As someone discussing Troll 2 once said of movies: with some bad books it seems like the writer didn’t know how to write a book; with some it’s more like they did know how to write a book but got hit very hard on the head.  Fifty Shades is more like if the embodiment of pure evil in the universe didn’t know how to write a book and got hit very hard on the head.
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A Game of Thrones Review: The Prologue

In my first article on the subject of George R. R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series, I mentioned that after subjecting my eyes to the ugliest map ever rendered, the first volume began with a prologue.  One of the first things you learn about writing a book is that your first paragraph has to entice the reader.  The prologue is a book’s first impression; it’s essentially the story putting its best foot forward.  After hearing fans expound upon his “gripping prose” and “realistic characters,” I hadn’t expected the writing to be so blatantly inept.  In this post, I will go into some detail on what makes the story’s first impression so unbelievably dull.
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