Tag Archives: Bad Writing

Abandon hope.

“The Last Airbender” Movie Review

Abandon hope.You may remember my article on the greatest show of all time, Avatar: The Last Airbender.  You may also remember my mentioning that M. Night Shyamalan decided to adapt the first season into a movie.  I saw this… movie… when it first premiered.  I entered the theatre expecting to love it; by the thirty-minute mark I loathed Shyamalan with every fibre of my being, and when at last I stumbled out of that accursed theatre I would gladly have throttled the bastard.
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Stannis Baratheon arrives at The Wall on his horse.

Stannis Baratheon: Another One-Note Asshole

Stannis Baratheon, a character in Game of ThronesIn my last article concerning A Song of Ice and Fire, I discussed a character called Jon Snow.  He was, as are all George R. R. Martin’s characters, incredibly bland and unpleasant.  Although they’re all basically the same character, there are more of the same character to tear apart in these articles, so let’s get started with Stannis Baratheon.
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Alien Force's bastardized version of Ben Tennyson

“Ben 10: Alien Force” Review

After tackling a sensitive topic in my last review, I decided to finish work on what amounts more to a rant.  You see, the original Ben 10 was a great show.  It ended, I think, on a high note; I never wanted a bloody sequel—we got one, though.  Ben 10: Alien Force is one of the worst spin-offs I’ve ever seen; despite not being as terrible as the likes of “Teen Titans Go,” Alien Force still fails at nearly everything.  Basic character development, emotions, action, and so many other elements seem to be beyond the scope of Alien Force.  Eight or ten episodes in (if I remember correctly) and I was bloody done.
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Zoro holding a sword in each hand and one in his mouth.

Sexism in One Piece

There’s nothing more certain to draw masses of ire than the criticism of a well-liked show.  That said, I don’t really have much choice in the matter, as I could not ignore such blatant sexism as one finds in the nineteenth episode of the show One Piece.Zoro holding a sword in each hand and one in his mouth.  First of all, I have heard that the show gets better after this, so if this is the case, please consider this to be a criticism of Episode Nineteen only.  I don’t think that’s entirely unreasonable, as this episode functions more-or-less as a standalone story; for the purposes of this review I will regard it as such.
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Hazen, another chosen one from the future, prepares to thrust with the king's sword.

“In the Name of the King 3: The Last Mission” Review

It’s finally about to be over!  The first In the Name of the King film was high fantasy at its very worst, the second was portal fantasy at its worst, and for some reason I don’t want to understand, Uwe Boll decided to make a third bollocks film in this awful, awful series.Hazen, another chosen one from the future, prepares to thrust with the king's sword.  This one, called either “In the Name of the King Ⅲ: The Last Mission” or, more appropriately, “In the Name of the King 3: The Last Job,” has as much to do with the other two films as the second has to do with the first.

It strikes me that, throughout these three films, not a single plot-thread from the first film—or the second—has been resolved in any sense of the word.  Nonetheless, it has more in common with Two Worlds than with A Dungeon Siege Tale, being a pathetic excuse for portal fantasy rather than high fantasy.
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“In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds” Review

Granger the modern-day veteran meets Raven, a medieval king.In my previous article, I talked about a film called In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale.  In case you didn’t read that review, the film is by the infamous Uwe Boll, and it’s high fantasy at its very worst.  Upon finishing that abomination, Boll must have realized that there remained at least a very few of the genre’s worst writing practices that he’d not had time for in the original.  Sadly for everyone concerned, good old Uwe decided to make two sequels just so he could squeeze in more of the worst things a fantasy writer can do.
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Farmer fights the Krug army in the forest

“In the Name of the King” Review

“Look; I am not a fucking retard like Michael Bay!”Uwe Boll

As adept a judge of character as the above quote would suggest him to be, Uwe Boll’s body of work is at least as bad as anything I’ve seen from Michael Bay.  My article today concerns Boll’s attempt at a high fantasy epic.  Like most of his work, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale is based on a video-game.  I read a bit about the story of the game, and the movie seems to have nothing to do with it.  Most reviews of In the Name of the King dub it one of the worst fantasy stories of all time, but I recently reviewed The Dragon in the Sock Drawer, which was so stupid and utterly mental that In the Name of the King seems all the more bland.
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Jon Snow, a character in Game of Thrones

Jon Snow: The Boring Bastard

“What’s wrong with the characters in A Song of Ice and Fire,” you ask?  Well, let’s just take a look.  As for what’s wrong, where do I begin?  Why don’t I start with the fact that they’re all basically the same character?  You can’t really expect any better when an author divides his attention among a thousand of them, which is why you need to limit the number of pivotal characters in a story.  Every character in the story has, at most, a few personality traits to differentiate it from the cookie-cutter template that Martin applies to the lot of them.

I plan on suffering through several more of these character analyses, but I’ll start with the ever-tedious Jon Snow.  No, I’m not talking about Dr. John Snow, the Victorian physician who discovered that drinking polluted water was a bad thing—oh, I only wish!  Jon Snow is, amazingly, one of the least irritating of Martin’s characters.  I shudder to think of analyzing any of the others, but that’s Future Hamish’s problem!
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“The Twelve Kingdoms” Anime Review

I recently decided that, just for the fun of seeing what would happen, I’d randomly decide on an anime I’d never heard of and watch it from start to finish.  Unfortunately, it didn’t turn out as well as I had hoped.  I mean, I do have quite a lot to say about it, but the show itself wasn’t especially good.
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The Dragon in the Sock Drawer cover illustration

“The Dragon in the Sock Drawer” Book Review

I read The Dragon in the Sock Drawer by Kate Klimo quite a few years ago, and since then I’ve wanted to tear it apart in a review.  I’ve wondered if this was too easy a target, the author being relatively unknown and the story meant strictly for very young children.  I couldn’t find anything about the books on Wikipedia, and looking up the author’s alleged website simply redirects to the series’ page on the Random House site.  In fact, I would likely have passed it by and reviewed something else were it not for what I learnt from reading it.
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